


Doctor B to the Rescue!

by ettaberry_tea



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Doctor Bashir being an actual doctor, Gen, Medical Examination, References to Addiction, References to Drugs, silly and gross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22647058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ettaberry_tea/pseuds/ettaberry_tea
Summary: Three short stories set in the infirmary when nobody is in mortal peril, and it's just a normal day for Doctor Bashir and Nurse Jabara.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 54





	Doctor B to the Rescue!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Starryoak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starryoak/gifts).



> Starryoak said that they wanted to read about Doctor Bashir's medical appointments with all the aliens on DS9, and that lead to this short and questionable piece of literature being created. Enjoy

Major Kira raised her voice in frustration. “Can’t you do anything about it?”

“Like I said, there’s no quick fix here,” said Doctor Bashir. “I recommend a massage for starters, but if we don’t deal with your chronic stress, all the problems its causing aren’t going to go away.”

“I don’t have time for any of your suggestions! Can’t you just give me a hypo spray?”

“I can give you another dose of acetaminophen. If I give you anything stronger, you won’t be able to handle your duties.”

“I’ll take it.”

Doctor Bashir loaded a hypo spray. “Do you have any other concerns besides the back pain?”

“I have a constant headache,” said Kira, rubbing her temples. “Also, my stomach hurts whenever I try to eat.”

“Any vomiting or diarrhea?”

“No, I just feel… queasy. Not really nauseous, but more like I just don’t want to eat.”

Doctor Bashir took out his tricorder. “I don’t have time for that!” Kira snapped.

Kira grabbed the hypo spray Doctor Bashir had prepared and dosed herself. She tried to storm out of the infirmary, but Bashir stood in between her and the doors.

“Major,” Doctor Bashir said in a warning tone, “don’t make me declare you unfit for duty just to examine you.”

Kira glared at him. “I don’t need to be examined,” she said in a dangerously quiet voice. “Get out of my way.”

Doctor Bashir had a distinct premonition that he was about to be punched. “Just give me five minutes,” he said equally quietly.

Kira rolled her eyes and obliged. Doctor Bashir continued scanning her. “How many hours a night are you sleeping?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, it actually really does.”

“Three or four if I manage to fall asleep at all. Are you almost finished?”

“It’s barely been a minute. How do you think that’s affecting your ability to be alert during the day?”

“I’m fine. I came in here for the painkillers. If I wanted to be interrogated, I would have gone to Odo.”

Doctor Bashir tried not to smile. “I have one more question, and then you’re free to go for now.”

“Well, hurry up!”

“There’s no easy way to ask this, but I’m going to anyways and only because I’m genuinely here to help you.”

Kira gave him a look.

“If I did a toxicology screen of your blood, would I find out that you’ve been consuming anything other than raktajino to stay alert?”

Kira looked up at the ceiling, smiling and shaking her head in a manner that said: _I can’t believe you._

“You think I’m using illicit drugs? Really Julian? Do I look like a junkie to you?”

“You can’t tell just by looking at someone whether or not they’re using. You wouldn’t be my first on-duty patient to try something stronger to stay awake. I’ve found officers using all kinds of stimulants: cosmic dust, Cardassi crystal, Terran crack, plomesh root, you’d be surprised at how prevalent drug use is among the station’s staff. Everyone’s sleep deprived and stressed. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Kira groaned and rubbed her head. “I’m not using anything, I swear.”

“Good,” said Doctor Bashir.  
He pulled out a vile.

“Seriously? You don’t believe me? You honestly think I could manage a space station while drifting as high as the clouds?”

“Are you really managing?”

Kira gave Doctor Bashir a murderous look. She grudgingly let him collect a vile of blood and then made her escape.

>>\----------o----------<<

Doctor Bashir looked up from the medical report he was reading to see Lieutenant Commander Worf come through the doors of the infirmary. He was moving slowly and looked miserable. He leaned against the foot of a bio-bed and clutched his stomach.

Doctor Bashir approached him. “Worf?”

Worf made a face like he was thinking about throwing up and then didn’t. “I ran out of anti-nauseant,” he said in his deep, rumbling voice.

Doctor Bashir went and got him some. “When did you start feeling nauseous?”

Worf leaned against the bio-bed and hunched forwards. “Jadzia enjoys Gagh and Targ. She wanted to share some of her traditional Trill food with me: spring greens with torak cheese.”

“I thought Klingons were mainly carnivorous? I doubt you are able to digest lactose.”

“She was - _very_ insistent.”

Worf suddenly ran into the infirmary’s refresher. Doctor Bashir exchanged a look with Nurse Jabara. Distressed Klingon noises could be heard throughout the infirmary. Jabara winced at the sound of something smashing. “I’m not cleaning that up,” she said, and took her break early.

After half an hour, the noises coming from the refresher had stopped. Everything was a miserable quiet. Doctor Bashir cautiously approached the door to the refresher and knocked lightly. “Worf? How are you doing in there?”

“Doctor?”

“Yes?”

Worf didn’t say anything else. After waiting for a reply, Doctor Bashir said, “Do you need me to get you another pair of pants?”

“That would be… appreciated,” said Worf quietly.

Worf was a bit shaky when he came out of the refresher, although he tried to hide it. Doctor Bashir insisted that he drink some electrolytes.

“I suppose you’ve got to tell Jadzia that you can’t digest Trill food,” said Bashir.

“Why would I do that?” said Worf.

“So that you don’t have to go through all of this again obviously?”

Worf straightened up to his full height. “I will gladly suffer all that and more for my Par’Mach’kai.”

“That’s a nice sentiment, but I doubt Jadzia would be particularly appreciative of you having diarrhea for her.”

Worf looked at the floor. “I will - consider telling her.”

>>\----------o----------<<

Doctor Bashir was in the middle of running some tests in his lab when suddenly half of Quark’s bar came flooding through the doors of the infirmary.

“Doctor! There’s something wrong with my nephew! I think he’s having an allergic reaction!”  
Quark looked panicked. He dragged Nog by the arm towards Bashir. Jake Sisko and Leeta were on their heels, followed by three Ferengi waiters, a dabo girl, Morn, and about ten other curious bystanders.

Doctor Bashir leapt up and ran towards them. “Nog? Can you speak?”  
Nog didn’t seem to be swelling, nor did he have any visible hives.

“Yes, I can,” said Nog.  
He winced and covered both his ears. 

“Quark, there’s way too many people in my infirmary.”

“You heard the doctor! Everyone get out!” said Quark, waving away the crowd.

The patrons, the waiters, and the dabo girl left. Morn hopped up on one of the bio-beds and just sat there. Leeta, Jake and Quark stayed close.

Doctor Bashir touched Nog’s elbow lightly and bent closer to him. “What’s wrong Nog?”

“He threw up all over one of my bar stools!” said Quark.

“Let Nog answer me. Nog, would you like to talk in private?”

“They can stay,” said Nog, who had his hands over his ears.

He climbed up into the chair where Bashir usually did examinations. Doctor Bashir scanned his patient. 

“Everything’s too loud,” said Nog, sucking in a breath through his teath. “My head feels like it’s going to split into two pieces.”

“Well, you’re definitely not having an allergic reaction,” said Bashir, looking at his tricorder.

“Are you sure?” said Quark, “What would a Hu-man know about Ferengi physiology anyways?”

“Plenty, now please let me focus on my patient.”

Rom came bursting into the infirmary at full tilt. “Where’s my son?”

Leeta pulled him into her arms. “Quark thinks he’s having an allergic reaction!”

Rom moaned, “I don’t have nearly enough for a bribe. What are we going to do?”

“For the last time, I don’t take bribes!” said Doctor Bashir.

It was common in some of his patients’ cultures for the whole family to show up in the infirmary when one of their members needed assistance. Apparently, this was the case for Ferengis. 

“Is he going to die?” asked Rom.

“No. Everyone please just calm down so I can help Nog.”

“Well hurry up all ready,” said Quark.

“So, you’ve got an upset stomach, and everything seems so loud, your head hurts. Is there anything else?”

“Everything’s really hazy,” complained Nog, “and the room slides around whenever I move my head.”

“When did you start having these symptoms?”

“When I woke up, I guess. No, wait. They started after I ate breakfast and then they got worse.”

“What did you have for breakfast?”

“Tube grubs and snail juice, the same thing I have every morning.”

Doctor Bashir sat down at his computer terminal and looked through the readings that came from his tricorder.

“You live with Jake, right?”

“Yes, he’s my roommate.”

“Are you sure that’s all you had for breakfast?”

“Yes. No, wait. There was some, ah, what do hu-mans call them? There were some squares left out on the table. I ate one before putting them away. Jake never cleans up after himself.”

Bashir smiled. “I think I know what’s going on,” he said, “but you might want me to tell you in private.”

“It’s fine,” said Nog. “Just tell me. Am I going to be all right?”

“You’ll be fine in a few hours. I believe you’re experiencing some rather negative side-affects from having consumed cannabis. I guess Ferengi physiology is not very compatible.”

“Canabis?” said Quark. “That’s Marijuana right? That nasty hu-man drug?”

“Yes, exactly.”

Rom made a worried “oh” sound and held onto Leeta. “What are we going to do? Does my son need to go to rehab? This is very bad.”

Leeta also looked worried. She stroked Rom’s head.

“I thought I told you, Nog, that drugs may be good for business, but they’re a terrible way to lose money if you consume your own product,” said Quark.

“He’s going to be fine. You’re going to be fine Nog. This will pass. I’ll give you something for the headache. Nobody needs to go to rehab.”

Nog and his family left the infirmary. “Jake, a word?” said Bashir.

“You’re not going to tell my Dad, are you?” said Jake.

“You’re 18 and not in star fleet, so no, this is confidential.”

Jake relaxed.

“How often have you been eating your special brownies?”

“Once every few days maybe. I find they help with writer’s block.”  
Jake looked at the floor and shuffled his feet. “You’re about to lecture me and tell me to stop aren’t you.”

“Actually, I was going to suggest that you let me test your cannabis oil in my lab to make sure your dealer didn’t lace it with anything.”

“Really? I’m going to take you up on that!”

Jake headed out of the infirmary “Thanks Doctor B! I didn’t expect you to be so cool.”

Doctor Bashir managed to keep his professional demeanour until Jake left. Then he told Nurse Jabara what had happened and the two of them had a good laugh.


End file.
